Why Sex is Improper and Important 💁🏻♀️ An open Sex Talk about Intimacy
Eeee yea you read that right. Sex is important. Duh.
Back story - This past year I was degraded and chastised for not wanting to sleep around. I’ve always been in a relationship so this was so new to me, and so confusing. Made to feel small. Made to feel like I was less of a woman. Made to feel like just because I didn’t want to move fast I was doing a disservice to the men that were taking me on dates, paying for things, and showing me around places I had never been. During my series YOU.Are.LOVED. I talk about the pain and struggle of being a female CEO and the heartbreak of loving someone who didn’t love me back. When I was going through what I went through in 2018 and 2019, I couldn’t sleep with anyone. My heart belonged to him and nothing inside my being said I could give up my body or my emotions to anyone but that one single man.
Where it came from - We slept together three times that year. That’s it. Not a lot. You’d think as an emotional creature it wouldn’t have hurt that bad. That we hadn’t emotionally connected on a level that would allow me to feel that much pain and suffering or that I wouldn’t want to sleep around. Show him that another man wanted me or that he couldn’t have me. I kissed another guy during that time frame and I cried. I really did. I told the guy I am so sorry I am just not ready for this. He respected me and didn’t force me any further, but it took an entire year before I could even think about another guy, and the only reason I ever slept with any one after that was because the online rhetoric tells you to sleep with someone else to get over your ex right? Well I tried. It didn’t work. It did the opposite. I betrayed myself, my body, my emotional state of being, and my favorite human being. I slept with a few people last year and I’m not scared to show or share that because I think it needs to be an open conversation - sex isn’t wrong nor is monogamy. Sleeping around isn’t wrong nor is having more than one partner. It’s up to us to know when, where and why we do what we do and to hold ourselves in a light that allows us to not abuse ourselves or continue to beat and batter the broken parts of our inner dialogue. I tried to listen to my voice and kept going around the fact that I didn’t want to be with any other person. To love on. To move on. To get away from the memories and pain and feel something from someone that didn’t make me feel like my brain would never shut off or never stop thinking about. I.... every time I tried to deal with someone normal, it turned into sex and I couldn’t do that to myself anymore, so I stopped. I couldn’t keep having sexual encounters with men who didn’t hold my hand when we were getting intimate or a man who couldn’t hear what I had to say when I said I’m being sexualized in a way that makes me feel like all men are bad. It’s been bad. This year, 2020 was when I starting telling men I was celibate. And it broke my fucking heart. Because I’m an Aries, intimacy is extremely important to us and we have this firey passionate rage inside of us that says we need to procreate and we need to be in love we need to take care of someone and we need to be their lifeline. We are protectors of the realm. We pretend to not care simply because we are too sensitive and when someone breaks that barrier it can be such a game over we want to die. We dive into everything we do with the Mars, the God of War leading the way as this is who our spirit says we are inside. We fight. We strategize. We give. We learn. We know. It’s our superpower. And when men who look at me like all they want to do is sleep with me, I cannot be mad. I took the time to understand and reflect and learn and have open dialogues with every male in my life about why they felt like that and learned that it is a primal instinct. I could not hold it against them. They felt bad when they told their friends like something was wrong with them if I didn’t sleep with them. Degraded. Demeaned. Abused. Like they were less of a man for a woman asking not to sleep with them. Like they didn’t do a good job. I am a prize to be won and I will conquer anyone and anything that comes my way. I understand the male and female body. I love them both equally and appreciate the beauty they bring. But men, please stop making your friends feel bad if the girl your friend likes doesn’t sleep with them or they take their time and get to know them. It’s more romantic, beautiful, pure and masculine to respect the women in your life and cherish their true nature and true beauty. Any man I date should be able to memorize my body with his hands before he ever gets to put his dick inside. He should know my morals, values, plans, goals, kids, future, everything. It makes me queezy when my male friends talk about women in a way that doesn’t allow us to see who you are inside. Take your time. You don’t have to date around and I’m definitely not saying theirs not a time and place to have multiple partners because everyone is different, but as a culture I think we can do better at understanding the human soul and how sensitive it is to heartbreak and the emotions involved with having sex. Sex is purely physical and drains the emotional side of the brain that craves pure love and connection.
Teenagers - We can all get booty. But pure romance - I think that’s the lasting nature of the human song and the human race. Elevate. Find your place. Take your time. See things through and find a real human who understands you and undresses your soul.
I like my body, booty and boobies or it wouldn’t be on the Internet. And even when I was unsure or insecure I taught myself the value in letting things go. My body is a vessel that allows my emotional and spiritual well-being to flourish in a world that is purely physical on most levels and I refuse to let someone tell me I am less of a person for not sleeping with them or feel ashamed when they do degrading things thinking it will get my attention. I understand and respect the human body. I appreciate its beauty and I’m so flippin’ happy I can say. If you have read my article “I’m the CEO of veise and I struggle to be kind to myself” you know how difficult it has been to look at myself in the mirror and say, this is mine.
CEO - And I love that. I cherish the relationship I have with my body and when I find a man who checks off and rounds out all the emotional sides of me, a man who understands what it takes to create something beautiful with another human and a man who memorizes every curve of my mind, body, and soul before needing to have sex, then that’s the man I will bless with a family. And I don’t know, maybe my mind will change. Only God knows how things go.
Because that’s the type of man who deserves to be seen with that family, a man that has morals, values, and an eye for how to be a real human being. A man who can stand in front of a crowd of people and be proud of his daughters regardless of their body. A man who shows his sons how to treat females in this world and understands the beauty in protecting and serving others. A man who shows up. A man who looks at me and everyone around as deserving of love, attention, and respect. That’s the man I need. And I know God will bless me. Respect your morals.
because this is my normal. and I can live with that ❤️