I had a dream.. and you were in it. It was a nightmare

I was in the hospital...

Again

And that's when they said... you know he's here right

I was mute, in my mind all I could think of was how could he. How could be that way to me. Thinking he would just stay here while I was recovering or trying to see what i already knew. He really was true. I don't get you. I know I'm lame. But how do you stay the same, telling people to tell me you still love me. And that you're here without the audacity or bravery to show your face and tell me yourself. Do you know how broken I feel. Fleeing from the streets just to beat you to the sting of the bruises left on me. I was beat, almost to death, and strangled while I was being attacked from every angle and you think it's okay. You think it's okay to persuade people to tell me, instead of you being man enough to tell me yourself. Do you know what that does to the mind of a young woman, who's beaten herself up over who you are and what you do. Do you know that about you? Do you....

I do... I knew you knew. How could you tell Terry. And not me to my face. How could you tell security and not me to the lips you thought you knew. How could you. After everything I had been through. I threw my half of my heart on the line, just to be beaten time and time again and who do you think you are, my friend? You were never meant to be my friend. You were my enemy inside of me. Everything I never thought I wanted to be. Then he came around the crowd clown. Do you know who you are? To be that kind of superstar. Super hard to believe and be with because you believed in this. I was paralyzed with fear when you came near. Successful, beautiful, handsome, the devil in distress, moving minds inside your coy disguise. Do you think I don't realize the high we got when we would kill a spitting image of this, writing with the wrists that would never kiss. The two of us thinking we had enough stuff. We unpacked our blood, blush, and toughest stuff, just to endure the worst enemy in the world. Us. Together. But never with another. One of us just secretly watching the other, making sure there was another, another human to portray and pretend to protect, oh the regret. Who do you think you are?

I regret never telling you I love you to your face. Is that how I'm supposed to erase the memory of the taste you held in space. The space in my face, the happiness in my heart, the heartache in my art, the tech in my village, the everything. Kill this he said, you won't need it where you're going. And bam. Blackout. Complete and utter silence in my mind. And that's when I knew it was time. I have to get this out, I cannot comrehend sitting in my mind for the rest of my life thinking that writing out my experiences will some how hinder me and my abilitites in this world. I have endured, overcame, and succumb to some demons in my life and I will never allow them to choke me out again. This my friend, is the beginning. The beginning of the end of the times I silenced myself. Silenced myself for friends, others, family, business, or some small eventful obstacle in my life. Silence is not an option and I will no longer silence my mind to keep you online. I will cherish the moments, but I will live longer than my stories. They tried to take me out, but without warning, the girl walked out of the burning house. Good life, huh?