I could take back the pain, but I would never stay the same...

I would take it all back. My explorative feelings for you.

I regret everything that I do. Maybe it's true - I can no longer live like you. Hiding behind a four course glass covered ceiling, meant for only those who believe in belittling things. I know there's a fine line between insanity and writing random people on the internet, but to say I had no intent. That would be the vent. Vent to the air ducts in your mind, because recycling thoughts is how I divide who should stay and who should go. It's a shit show, on my side of things, without a real reality to say the least. I think in lines of wrongs and reels, in times and heels. In memories, and ghosts. In telepathy, I think more than most. I think in two sides of my brain, simultaneously the doctor called me insane. I have proof of the questions and the answers I saw, but there was so much inside me I couldn't get involved. Had to trust the leadership that knew what was right, but to be honest? You know what happened that night. I was bawling to the moon, telling the moon to take me out, not too soon. And the moon answered my prayers, but I payed the toll. I lost my whole dream, I lost everything I saw. I look at the future, like it's always so bright, but forget to bring the empty space between my lines, to read while I'm thinking. It's too bright inside for me to work this way, I know it's off kilter but I don't know how to play. I'm upfront and annoying, I like nerdy things and I like to be toyed with. I like to goof around and clown other people, I like to give you nicknames, pretend like we're medieval. But all in all, I'm just a cure for those who worry about their eyes, their lips, their nose. Their vault of insecurity secretly breaking toes, when summer comes around, we'll be speaking with Bose. We hear our art, takes shape when we start. But the sake of shameless problems, makes it easy to be too smart. We outsmart ourselves with wit and stamina, who knew the backbone for this, would be part of the camera? We rhyme and climb, take time to decide, we sit with silly empty paper, and make names into saviours. We look for clout on the internet, only to find it's within our real friends. The ones we inspire, the ones we admire, and the ones we go to hire. We think on our feet, but sleep like we're needy. We keep our houses tidy, we keep on repeating. Until one day the force inside of us, calls us up out of the red day and age, and keeps us on replay. Changing your mind should never blind side you into making a bad decision that can hurt you. Stay safe. If you see someone struggling, reach out. Call their parents, make it apparent that you care for them. You never know how hard someone is struggling. If they're being vocal, then now is the time to reach out and check in. If they're not, keep an eye on them.. We are a community in real life and women deserve a platform and place to be heard. I no longer hold guilt for not being the woman I was meant to be, because honestly it led me right back here to me. But this time, I don't want to commit suicide. I don't want to shut down. And I don't want to run into the arms of another man who could take me off my plans and shut down my entire world. A love lost ruined me. It devastated my very being and it has taken me years to destroy the notion that every man has my best interest at heart. I say this from a place of experience and I hope this platform will act as place to speak up about experiences, both on and off the internet and how we can protect, embody, and embolden women with our character, life like sing alongs, and protecting the very people we belong with. Each other. Good night.. XO Scarxred