YOU.Are.Loved. A Youtube Docuseries Day 2. Angelica
I had created a blog post. And I hated it. So instinctively, I deleted it, afraid of what others may think when they read it. As I approached posting my first ever VLOG chronicling the hard ways in which I try to stay sane on a daily basis, I felt this huge wave of relief wash over me. That finally people would know who I am, what I stand for and the darkness that lurks in the background of my mind on a daily basis, fighting for air as I try to suppress the chaotic images. The battles and struggles a lot of us face to get through the day without a proper way to manage our mental health and well-being.
I started the docuseries with the idea that I would vlog daily to make it easier on myself to share my daily routine and tips with the world. How to become a better version of me, or how to move past the pain I endured from having opened up a business that grew fast. A heartbreak that took me two years to heal from and a love so significant that I couldn't possibly bear the thought of ever leaving this man.
During the process, I found that even though I have these downfalls, aka mental health - depression, anxiety, PTSD, I am love - and that's something no on can take from me - I found a man who took me under his house hold and showed me what true, unconditional love is for myself, for others, and how to interact in a world that is not accepting or kind. A world that judges you for not only the things that have happened to you, but the things you do in this world that may be good. They may be grand and they may be something that does change the world, but the world is not always accepting of those things or the people who choose to put their vulnerability into the world for others to dissect, and appreciate (for those who go through similar situations). It is a battle to find those who also appreciate the real parts of being a loner, a soul so exposed that they hide nothing from anyone and choose to live a life full of honesty, no secrets and understand that life is made of all the pieces, good and not so good, sadness and depression, happiness and joy. Anxiety. Wonder. It's all of these things and if I can spread a message of hope, joy, love, and a curiosity to make the world a better place by sharing my hopes and dreams, struggles to succeed, and be a real person, then I think that's my path in life. I was terrified to post this. And the video that chronicled rape, heartbreak, despair. It took two days to upload, a bunch of changes to the content in the description and the hiding of blog posts. Until I read an article on astro twins that essentially told me to stop getting cold feet, I was still unsure if I was ready for the world to see the real Angelica. The girl behind the screen. The girl who so many people look to for strength, guidance, and for so long an unwavering force that could not be stopped in the world of business. A girl you couldn't take down. Until he did. A man. A man I love. A man that through everything I still believe is the one. And I know it sounds crazy, after everything that has happened, but when you watch the docuseries, keep an open eye as to the real struggles in life. As life is not instagram or the image we portray when we are on the verge of a cliff ready to fall, ready to die and ready to let the sands of the ocean wash away our body - it is real. xx, Angelica xx veisebeauty.com IG: @xoxoangelicanicole
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